Saturday, April 2, 2011

love as though you've never been hurt.

Falling in love is a choice we cannot control, we may fight it, yes, but eventually we all lose the battle. I'm lucky enough to have met someone, after many years of trying to find that someone, who completely adores me and makes me happy beyond belief. Jonathan just stumbled into my life when I wasn't even trying to meet anyone, and since then he has forever held a piece of my heart.

Yet, lately I find myself stressed, really stressed. Stressed about a possible upcoming child support argument. Stressed about switching jobs and barely having enough money to live. Stressed about moving. I guess I shouldn't stress too much because I truely am blessed.

I find myself constantly taking the anger caused from all that stress out on someone else. Usually the victim of my rage is Jonathan. Now I know everyone at times takes their aggitation out on someone else, but this is constantly. I know he is none of the reason I am stressed, in fact (aside from Bentlee) he makes me happier than anyone else could. So why do I feel the need to let me rage out on him?

I know men have feelings too, however they don't show them like us women do. I guess it is easier to forget that the words I say actually do hurt. It's easy for me to think that he loves me and we will be together no matter what. But is that still going to be true when I push him away because of my own issues?

I guess what I am trying to say is I truely do not want to lose my little family. Not that I think I will, because I know I have met that person I was born to be with. But I feel the need to let everyone, including Jonathan, that I love him and really do appreciate everything he does for me and our small family.

I need to work on de-stressing other ways than taking it out on the one man I love much more than the stars in the sky. I think we both need to work on communication and spending more time together. Me being on my phone or computer constantly and him playing C.O.D in the same room and us not even acknowledging we are together is not a good way to be.

So from this day foward I am going to work everyday at keeping my family together. I am going to work on not causing friction in mine and Jonathan's relationship. I need him, I need him to always be my best friend, I need Briley, I need them to be with me and Bentlee until the end of time.

In a room full of people, you're always the first one I look for<3

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