Casey Anthony.

So being the one that has followed the Casey/Caylee Anthony trial for a long, LONG time; I would like to share my insight, my thoughts, and vent my frustration with the jury.

First off, I don't see how partying all the time could possibly be more important than the sweet angel you give birth too. Secondly, if you care anything about your child, why would you wait 31 days to report her "missing." Why would someone look up how to make cloroform(84 times), neck breaking, and death on their home computer if they were not interested in it in some form? Thirdly, during court why did Casey never testify? Maybe she knew she couldn't tell the truth on stand. And what the HELL was she writing all during the trial?

Apparently(from my gatherings of news reports) 6 jurors wanted to put her away but caved in to the other six that wanted to believe she was "not guilty." Two things here, 1) If you are a juror, it is your public duty to do what is right. 2) If you truly believed she was guilty, you should have never caved in just so you could go home or what not.

I really believe Casey could not handle having a child anymore, somehow Caylee was getting in the way of what Casey really wanted so she got rid of her. I feel like the prosecution did a poor job on providing the evidence, they failed to submit a jailhouse call in which Casey was talking with a friend, Mallory. Mallory said, "Casey if something happened to Caylee I will just die" and Casey simply said "Oh well" Where was the regard for her child then? I would have been like yes ma'am you're not the only one that IS MY BABY!

To the Jury; once again. How could you not prove she was guilty? There was an Air Test done that proved the smell in her trunk was that of a decomposing human body, Caylee's DNA was found in the trunk, Caylee was found TWO MILES from the Anthony home, and her father denied helping cover up the "accidental drowning" Also, why did Casey borrow a shovel? To me lieing to the FBI and not reporting my child missing for thirty-one days is enough evidence to convict her right there.

And to the judge, she gets out Sunday because she has "served her time" and had "good behavior." Yes sir because everyone that kills their three year old exhibits "good behavior" in jail, they know what people do to them in there. I feel she should have at least got another full sentence, the four years that is associated with the charges of lieing.

All in all this woman gets four misdemeanors for killing her daughter. I wonder if the club scene in Orange County will be the same when she gets out? Or will everyone have turned their back on her. I pray for the latter.

Everyone should go to youtube and listen to "Mascara Rain" by Brabo Gators. It is a tribute to Caylee and a WONDERFUL song. Thanks for reading this!

When I first met you, I had NO IDEA you would mean this much to me

I guess I could start by saying alot has happened since my last blog post, but don't worry, I will have plenty of time to post now.

Me and Jonathan have been married for almost three months now, wow time DOES fly when you are in love<3 We also found out we are expecting again, I am now ten weeks and five days pregnant :) And Jonathan and my dad also started driving a truck(my dad's old job).

I saw them off at 7a.m this morning and it was bittersweet. I think I cried more this past week and today than I did the whole time I was in labor. Take that back, I KNOW I did.

It was bittersweet, knowing I won't get to see my one and only for the next two months(company training takes a while!)

So now I am a stay at home mommy && wife, I have had a job since I was sixteen, I don't know how to -not- work. I guess I will figure that out day by day.

The hardest part for me is knowing that my husband, my best friend, the one I AM going to spend my life with (regardless of what people say or do to TRY to change that) is miles and miles away and I can't even hold his hand. Since we have been together we have never even been apart two weeks, much less two months.

I just hope he knows how much I love him and I am counting down the days until I get to see him again :) I will keep everyone updated!

"These People Can Barely Predict the Weather, How Can they Predict The Rapture?"

As I sit here on my bed watching my son swing away and my dear husband lay here watching 'Zombieland' I think, well the end of the world is supposed to begin today. Today, May 21 2011, is supposed to be the beginning of the end. It was supposed to begin in Asia, as far as I know that continent is still alive and kicking. With that being said, it is already Sunday May 22 in some parts of the world. While the Rapture is no joking matter, I don't mean to poke fun at all. I do by all means believe the end is near, just not today. I mean these people can barely predict if it is going to be rainy and 55 degrees or sunny and 95, why do people really believe they know when the Rapture is coming?

But what if it was today, what if today was really the end? My baby is only a few weeks away from being six months old. Briley hasn't even turned three yet. And me and Jonathan haven't even been married two months yet! There is so much I want to see the kids do, I would be happy if we made it to Bent's first birthday. But in all seriousness, would my family(who means more than the world to me) really know how I felt, if something did happen?

So here is what I want them to know, in case something happens to me any time soon. You know before Briley and Bentlee can comprehend the meaning of my ramblings. And way before Jonathan starts actively listening to me!

Jonathan Carl - my husband, better half, love, best friend and at times only person who will argue with me when I am in that mood. I hope you already know those things I just listed you as, but in case you didn't..you do now. I want you to know that even though we were not together long before we got married, I don't regret a second of it. Also, most people are together before they have kids, I came into the relationship pregnant. But I could not ask for a better father for Bentlee, you have really showed me what love is. Not only do you love Briley and Bentlee to no end, you love me..almost as much. And I know to people who don't have kids, or don't care about their kids, they would be upset for you loving them more than me. But I am so grateful, it really makes me happy. So I want you, my dear husband, to know that I love you more than life itself. You are my only one and I hope nothing happens anytime soon because I want to spend forever on earth with you before we spend forever together in heaven:)

Briley Madeline - you are my sunshine! I remember when I first met you and how terrified you made me. Not only was I trying to impress your daddy, but more so impress you. I will never forget when we took you to the park and you got terrified of the leaves crunching so I carried you back to the car, then you didn't want your daddy. That just warmed my heart. You have taught me so much and you are only 2! Shouldn't I be teaching you? Nevertheless I wouldn't have anything any differently. You really know how to make me laugh when I feel like crying. I love you as if you were really my own daughter. You mean the world to me and more Briley, please don't ever forget that!

Bentlee Jett - ah my baby boy! You my son are my world! I remember when I found out I was pregnant with you, and then when I found out you were Bentlee Jett and not Kiyah Juliette, and I remember the day I went to the hospital to have you. The day you came into this world, the day my life forever changed. You are almost six months old now and you are growing entirely too fast. Sometimes I wish I could just freeze time and have you my baby forever, you are more independent today than yesterday and it breaks my heart. I love how much you are learning though, I love the stage you are at now and how you chew on your toes. I guess what I am trying to say is that in case something happens to mommy, please know that she loves you more than the world, you are mommy's world and always will be!

As you can tell, my family means the world to me and more. I would not trade them for the world. I cannot imagine what life would be like without them here with me. So in case something does happen and the Rapture does come, at least I know I will spend forever with them in Heaven.

Strength is usually the only thing that hides fear.

I just wanted to give a full update about Bentlee's four month checkup that was today. Of course I already posted some of it and a picture on facebook, but here are some of the details I didn't share, mostly from lack of time.

He is 13 pounds and 14.5 ounces and is also almost 25 inches long! My baby has came along way from the 6 pound 6.5 ounce baby I gave birth to four months ago. That puts him between the 15 and 25 percentile in weight and between the 25 and 50 percentile in length. All that is wonderful, it makes him an average baby for his age.

He also got his four month shots, which seemed alot worse than the two month shots. At his two month shots he barely cried at all. Nope, not this time! He screamed and cried, I guess now he felt it more. Good thing I told him "It was all daddy's fault, all his idea" because he layed on my shouldar and calmed down after them:)

Now, here comes the scary part. His head circumfrence is in the 98 percentile. Tanesha, the nurse practitioner we saw today, said if his head continued to grow at a rapid rate they would have to refer him to a neurologist. She said not to worry though, she doesn't think anything is wrong, it would just be precautionary if they did have to refer him. He is developing perfect for his age.

No one wants to think anything could be wrong with their child, I'm sure even the worst of mothers would be concerned with this. Of course, being the worrying new mother I am, I am actually quite terrified with the thought that there is a minute chance something could be wrong with my baby.

Knowing that I do have to be strong, even in the worst cases, for Bentlee, is the only thing that is going to keep me sane until his six month chek-up(where hopefully they say his head is fine, his body has grown to it). I want to believe that he is fine, because he is developed perfectly. But in the back of my mind is that thought that he may have to see a specialist. I guess all I can do now is pray for the best outcome.

                                                           So that was our day today!

You've already taught me so much!

So I have wrote a couple blogs about Bentlee, and it occured to me that I haven't once mentioned Briley. That upsets me, because I love that little girl to no end. Being a mother is not an easy job, as I have stated many times. But being a step-mother is even harder. I think that's because you absolutely know your own child loves you, almost no matter what. With your step-children you long for their acceptence and approval. Not only from them but from their mother!

Briley is one of the brightest two year olds I have ever met, do not get me wrong, and do not let her fool you, she is a diva. But to be only two years old, she is amazingly smart, she has taught me so much in the short time I have known her. Not stuff that you can learn in school either, things about life and love.

I love Briley as if she was my own daughter, and I like to think that she loves me quite a bit too(I don't know if that's true, but I like to think it). I never thought I would be a step-mother, only a mother. And the truth is, there isn't much difference, only it's a lot harder to become a step-mother. I was lucky enough to meet Jonathan, who also brought Briley into my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without her, she is a precious little girl!

I was also lucky enough to be able to get along with Briley's mother, Blaire. I know, I know, most people say "You don't have to get along with them, you don't even have to speak to them." But I can tell you from my own experience it's so much easier when you do speak and when you do get along. No, me and Blaire have not always gotten along, heck at one point I'm pretty sure we despised each other. But that's all the past and I am glad we do get along, not only for the sake of Briley, but for our own sanity.

I guess the point of this is to say, if you have step-children, love them like their your own. You're lucky to have them in your life, and they love you unconditionally. You owe that to them.

              I absolutely adore you Briley Madeline!

Where have I been the past four months?

Rajneesh once said, "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the woman never did. A mother is something absolutely new." There is more truth in that quote alone than any I have ever heard. Sure you think you know how to be a mother while you're pregnant, but you are not until the minute you deliver your child.

As I sit the day after Bentlee turned four months old, I think; where did the past four months go? I'm sure the people on my facebook, along with every close friend in my phone contacts, are tired of seeing all of the pictures and reading/hearing about everything my child is doing. To some it's no big deal because their child has already passed that stage, and to others I'm sure it gives them things to look forward to with their own children. Regardless, I do post three-four pictures and status' every day.

Now, that is not the point to this blog. The point is, where have I been while my baby boy has been growing? Sure, I notice that he knows his name, he can roll from his back to his side, he can hold his bottle, he can find his feet, he is starting to mimic, etc. But what I mean is how is he already four months old? It seems like just yesterday I was finding out I was pregnant, and that was a year ago! Tomorrow is his four month checkup, he gets four month shots soon, why do I not feel like my baby is two months away from being half a year old?

He is changing everyday and it breaks my heart to think soon he will be a year old. He discovers something new everyday, and everyday he is learning and getting smarter. I know every parent says this, but I believe it is true, Bentlee is going to be exceptionally intelligent. I know he is going to go far in life, as long as he has the support he needs. And I promise, I will be behind him every step of the way. Wheather he choses to study mathematics and philosophy or politics and war. Heck he may even decide to become a mechanic, not matter what I am going to be proud of him.

So to my dear Bentlee Jett; you are my sonshine! I never knew how to fully love with every ounce of my heart until the moment I saw your face. I want you to know how much mommy loves you and that amount multiplies every day. I am so happy I am a mother, but I am more happy I am your mother.

"You don't raise heroes, you raise sons.  And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes."  ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

"Sometimes I try to ignore 'em, but I thank God for 'em.."

"I hear voices like, My dad sayin' 'Quit that team, and you'll be a quitter the rest of your life' Mama telling me to say a prayer, everytime I lay down at night. And Grandma sayin' 'If you find the one, you better treat her right' I hear voices all the time." - Chris Young.

That is one of the many theme songs to my life. Now you may think that because I was born and raised in Hicktown Tennessee that 'of course it's going to be a country song' but in all seriousness, and I think many people would agree, they can always hear people they love telling them what they should and should not do. Then again, I may be insane and need to be admitted, only time will tell that much.

The voice I hear the most is the one of the person I miss the most; my grandmother. She passed away when I was twelve years old. She was my best friend and the strongest, most beautiful, and smartest woman I have ever known. If I could be half of the woman she was I would be lucky.

Today has been eight years and three months since grandmother passed away. As I sit and look back on special belongings of hers I have, I remember her telling me to "always say I love you when you hang up the phone" or "always be happy in what you do" and "you're going to go far in life, as long as you hold your head up high" I wonder if she would be proud of the young woman, mother, student and employer I am today.

I have came a long way in those eight years, I have hit bumps in the road, I have had major and minor setbacks but I believe I am right where I need to be. I am going down the right path and raising my son the way I was raised. I thank God I can still hear my grandmothers voice keeping me straight!

So I guess the point to all this random rambling is; if you are lucky enough to have those voices in your head, don't ignore them. God put them in your head because he knew how much you would need them one day. Thank him for them, they made you who you are and keeping you the person you need to be.


"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'"  ~Erma Bombeck